The thinkings of a mind trapped inside

I decided today to add up the number of days I felt well in the last month. Unfortunately the number is small enough to add up on one hand. Seriously four days is not enough to feel well in an entire month. Another rough winter for me. Time sucking FB has taught me another lesson though. I post on FB when I am ill, not ever time, but many times. Recently someone messaged me their concerns. Very sweetly they wondered if I had a mold issue in the house, or what else might be going on. My norm is often a little shocking to others. My neighbor and friend once saw me hobble out to the mail box (usually I am better composed before entering into public) and she was on me about what was wrong. I reminded her that this is normal for me and she wondered again what I could do about it. I guess it is a hard concept that sometimes you just have to accept and try to work around issues. Trust me though, I have tried. I fought it with everything I had until the fight had me in a nasty physical state. Everyone has something. My largest problem tends to be my health. New goal: Stop posting when you are ill on FB and remember that it is not just your close friends and family who read your updates. Also, that people do get tired of hearing how much you are sick.


Today I thought I was better. I did more than I have done in the last week in a few hours and then hit the wall. Dang. Of course when the illness is done with my body I will still be left dealing with the symptoms of my ((gulp)) Fibromyalgia and Hypothyroidism (sub-clinical). Labels, labels, labels. I hate using them. I don't ever use those two words. Holistically, and through alternative medicine, I can explain more of what is going on in my body than those words could. They don't explain everything anyways (like my malfunctioning sinus cavities). Day by day I am able to speak what I am feeling. Whether it be the fatigue, a sluggish mobility or pain, I would rather deal with each issue than umbrella these under one diagnosis.

Today I am still ill, and the weather is changing causing quite a bit of fatigue and pain. (Even my fingers hurt.) I have been unable to think away the pain and fatigue and now what do I do? What do I do when I can't mentally overcome what my body feels (aka: ignore it).

Here is what I do: 1)I imagine what it would feel like in my body to have none of these issues. If I rarely got ill, if I never had pain or fatigue. Nick is always joking that I would probably rule the world if I didn't have any health issues! Imagine not having to work past it, imagine going a month (heck a few days would be great) without a sinus infection or an illness. 2) Rather than feeling sad for what I can't have, I now choose to focus on what I have achieved. Look what I get done WITH all my problems. It is really remarkable (yes I am boasting.:)) Look what I have done with my limitations! Blew them out of the water! (Don't gag, just a little positive self-talk.) 3) Remind myself that tomorrow may be better and that I am healthier now than I ever have been. 4) Embrace the pain, acknowledge it, it means you are alive! Tune into it and really feel it. Pain is another part of life that I GET to experience. 5) Remember all those who experience worse and all those who don't get to experience it at all. 6) Bring back the gratitude. I am truly blessed, lucky, and fortunate in life.

This is what I get to work through almost every day and every day is different. Sometimes my relationships suffer (intimate and casual alike) because I can't always be there even though I want to be. And because it is really hard to understand something that you can't see, can't feel, and don't hear about. I am lucky because this has made me so grateful for the things I have. Being able to have children, to be married, to garden, run, bike, etc.. I have to acknowledge that much of the burden of my ailments falls to my husband. I do have days where I just physically can't overcome and he picks up the slack. He does my chores, takes care of the kids, works, does his chores, and carries this family through my bad days. And that is my number 7), the last thing that I think about to keep me from given in: My support!

Awwwwwww

Sample Curriculum

Simple Sample. I created this fill in the blank format to help me organize our weekly curriculum. Lately our rhythms (daily, weekly, dinner, schooling, etc...) have been plummeted into a bit of disorder. Lots of sickness, trips, and Nick's new job have added an element of change. While we are working through the change, the kids love that they have still been able to have a beautiful, rich, soulful, and relaxed homeschool experience.

Here's how I plan our weeks. Usually I try to plan a month to several months at a time. This allows me to fit in every theme that is important to me. I sit with all of my resource books, my master homeschool calendar (which has every birthday, holiday, and special days), my idea planner (with ideas for each season), and the computer.
First I discover if anything special is happening in the week. For example, last week we had St. Patty's Day, the Spring Equinox, and a planned trip to Kansas. This is a powerful time of year, an awakening of sorts. I may need to put together a festival to acknowledge the change.
Next, I see which letter we are working on. Teilee asked me recently to start at the beginning of the alphabet again.
Then I find an appropriate story. Hopefully the story will incorporate the season, the letter, and any other theme happening that week. Stories often come from www.mainlesson.com. I also find other picture books that fit the week.
Next come the songs. Having done this for over a year I have some songs, books, stories, and themes already determined. The kids love when they hear a familiar tune, it is something that they can really sink their singing teeth into.
Lastly come any enrichment activities. From crafting to painting to gardening these activities are designed to help encourage a real connection to the lesson.
I strive to link everything together. My goal is for my children to have a deep meaningful connection to their world and its workings. Everything that we do with homeschooling has a purpose and is intentional.
This is a brief overview and it has taken me two years and much support, research, and practice to be able to pull this off. This is for two weeks. Usually it is in a fun, colorful, cheery chart, but it won't format to my blog. (I am seriously bummed that it won't show!!!) Oh well....that's what our imaginations are for!!


SAMPLE: Month March
Week 1
Theme: Letter A & B, Signs of Spring, What’s Brewing Underground
Stories: Bean & Plants, Kate and the Beanstalk, A place to Grow, The Surprise Garden, The Root Children
Songs: Seeds are Stirring,
Supplies/ To Do: Dinosaur Room ABC Banner, Plant Bean Seeds, Apple Necklaces

Mon.
Letter Walk-A, Slice Apples draw the inside and transform to A
Tues. Apple Necklaces
Wed. Letter Walk B, draw bean seed, soak overnight
Thurs. Draw Bean seed, dissect bean, Plant remaining bean seeds
Friday Nature Walk Day
Sat. Sun.

Week 2
Theme: Spring is Coming, St. Patty’s Day
Stories: Persephone and Demeter
Songs: Spring Songs
Supplies/Activities: Wheat Grass, egg, painting spring scenes

Mon. Wheat Grass, Letter C
Tues. Giant Park, Sally Afternoon
Wed. St. Patty’s Day, Morning networking meeting (playgroup), Letter D walk
Thurs. Spring scenes
Friday Trip to KS
Sat. Equinox
Sun.


See....wasn't that as beautiful as you imagined it?:)

Kansas Trip

We had a wild trip! We are back from our two week trip to Kansas. While Daddy started a new job and worked on his big car audio job we had to split town. I had no idea when Nick would be sleeping let alone making time for us and I figured it would be easier for the kids and I to take a long road trip instead. Grandma Lee and Papa have a wonderful home that they were willing to share, awesome meals (all GF) to eat, and a beautiful land to explore. Grandpa Don and Mary live nearby to visit, and we got to see Great Aunt DeeDee. Of course the highlight for Teilee and Landis is always getting to see their cousins! (Thanks to Aunt Kati and Uncle Joe for making them available to us!;)) I love being in Kansas, my mind is less muddled there. I could attribute that to avoiding all other responsibilities except for childcare (no taxes, no finances, no grocery shopping, no organizing, etc...). However, I decided to chalk it up to the clean air, helping hands, beautiful country, down to earth people, and great family!

Previous Posts

I was reminiscing and found a couple of posts that I just had to post a second time.
I have not been feeling as creative these days, but it is still in there! Enjoy a few oldies!

Dec. 21st, 2007

I used to always be a chronic night owl, now I am a fall asleep standing up kinda gal. Today I found myself wiping furiously at the apparent mascara rings under my eyes. Being frustratingly unsuccessful I realized that I had not worn mascara and those were indeed the dark non-sleeping circles that I have earned as a mother. These bruise colored crescents, that no amount of makeup can 'freshen up', scream "Tired Mom Here!". Although, they are not out of place on this tousled uncut hair, unbrushed teeth, unwashed clothes of a person that I am. They only add to the ensemble that declares my latest station in life. Once discovered though I only admire them with a perverse since of accomplishment. Like my stretchmarks, and my stretching breasts, I have earned these. My progress as a woman can be traced across my body like counting the rings of a tree. My still protruding belly indicating the rude way in which my son was taken from my being. My uneven breasts a symbol of my dedication to the nutrition of my offspring. These are my battle scars, my road map, my mark of motherhood of which I am proud to declare. In all its beauty this is me now.



Katelin reminded me of this one- I had completely forgotten, which is one reason why I have a blog......to remember!

October 12, 2007

Rubber Ducky

Little rubber ducky on the bathtub floor,

have you made permanent residence on the drain?

Nestled near the metal hair trap

it works hard to grasp every stray strand that could pass,

A veritable fortress collecting stray objects, resting near your yellow squeak,

How is it that you are now a daily friend of my shower?

How odd to consider that you are not a stranger to my day,

you are the comfort that smiles at me from the sudsy water remains of my wash,

The instant reminder of my station in life,

with fondness I gently set you upright to float on the small puddle of water,

I guess the drain can not prevent you from having your lake,

As I could never remove you, my fond friend, from the company of my feet.

Little yellow rubber ducky on the bathtub drain.

The Age of Innocence

Just had to share this little tidbit that happened recently. We don't watch a lot of TV although lately with all the illness we have had we have let our standards slip. We don't watch the news, we try to never allow the kids to see commercials, and we monitor what they do watch closely. One of the reasons I absolutely HATE commercials is because of the blatant sexism and racism exhibited. Rarely do commercials show interracial families, rarely are toys presented as gender neutral despite their themes or colors.

Teilee has recently started listening to The Magic Tree House series on CD's that we checked out from the library. I love this! It is a media that has her entranced without all the nasty effects of TV. The basic premise is that this brother and sister have a magic tree house that transports them back in time. They go on missions to learn, find clues, and recover ancient objects. Seems pretty innocent and safe, so I left the room while she was listening. Teilee came crying to me in the other room that she didn't want to listen to the story anymore. One of the chapters in one of the books dealt with, by Teilee's description, Roman times. Upon probing she explained that back in Roman times girls couldn't do everything that boys could. She was horrified that the little girl in the story had to dress up as a male soldier so she could go with her brother and do everything he did. Teilee was in tears! She had yet to experience that kind of blatant sexism.

I know that we often become complacent in the sexism that we see, hear, and experience. How far we have come, and yet how far we have yet to go.

Also heard from the mouth of my 6 year old. "If I were a bear (brown bear), I would have been mated by now." Try holding it together when you hear that!!!

Creative Blue and Christmas

I am thinking Creative Blue as my new blog title. I am gonna chew on it a bit before transitioning.

Now on to Christmas!
For several years now we have had a Flying Spaghetti Monster as our tree topper. A simple Mop head (colored with coffee) and some painted styrofoam balls form the figure. We love this, it is original, it is symbolic, and it is a lot of fun.



Twas the night before Christmas and all through then house,
not a creature was stiring, not even our lazy, non-mouse easting cat.......

The stocking were hung by the chimney with care...........

My wonderful friend Kara made these for us. When we had Landis she had to pull a rabbit out of her hat and make another! Every year I get so sentimental when we hang these, remembering all of our traditions we had with her and her family. The extra stocking happens to be for the cats.
This year we were talking to Teilee and Landis in November about what they would want Santa to bring them this year. Teilee asked if the Solstice Fairies could come instead of Santa. This was not an option that I had presented and I had to instantly cover my reaction. Was this okay? I love the tradition of Santa, the spirit of the holidays. Does it matter if the spirit is represented by the Solstice fairies instead. I think Teilee thought the Halloween fairy had brought her such a fabulous gift (a dinosaur) that the Solstice fairies would do the same. And Santa? Apparently you never know what he will bring! Okay I said, so be it! We told the moon (that's how you tell the fairies) and we sent a letter to Santa to communicate with the fairies so they would know that they were in charge of the gift giving this year.
Of course Solstice Fairies enjoy cookies, but really really small cookies and a bowl of milk with acorn caps as scoops.
The fairies left Teilee and Landis a note.

Our tree complete with gifts, and the FSM on top.
This was the year of abundance. We were so amazingly fortunate to be able to buy some of the gifts. We still made gifts, but we were able to make what we wanted and not rely on what we could make with what we had. The stress relief was amazing, the joy was pure. This is our abundance. Not to much, not extravagant, just right.

Daddy slept well..... (of course)


The kids waited until mid morning to open gifts. Here they are donning hats made by Ani (which she gave to us back in October) and the scarves that I knitted to coordinate. My gift to them. Yup, I knitted!!! When I lamented to Teilee a few days before x-mas that, "if only you had a scarf to match that hat", she replied, "but I don't like things that match, I like mismatched things." I almost let out a burst of laughter, knowing my daughter, that is exactly what I had made her. I call it a patchwork, scrappy scarf, she just calls it perfect!

The kids wanted to make Daddy Superman underwear and a superman shirt. I was not going to spend a ton load of money searching for that, so I bought some iron on printable paper. Found some images, fixed them, drew them, printed them off, and then ironed them onto some underwear. Then I thought, "Why not let the kids draw something personal?" Landis drew figures of him and Daddy and since they were so small I made a lot of them and ironed them all over one gray pair. Then Teilee drew a brachiasaurus and that went onto a matching shirt. Daddy first open the superman get up and the extra shirts and underwear, then he got to the kids gifts. I have NEVER seen Nick cry over a gift. The kids were so happy to see how excited Daddy was.
Then the kids got to Daddy's gift for them.
A new dryer with a ironing board on the side (of course they didn't know what an ironing board was). It will turn, it was turning (it broke Christmas eve as we were bringing it inside). Daddy can and will fix it.

One gift the kids got this year was a ride on horse. Teilee has enjoyed dressing it in all my old homecoming dresses, and all of their dress up. Landis is too short to ride on it, but he is absolutely in love with their new pony.

That Night Teilee fell asleep reading the book GrandmaLee and Papa gave her. The coolest ever dinosaur pop-up book!


This year of all years we were counting our blessings. In years past we have had holidays of extreme abundance of things and haven't understood the need for or been able to find an abundance of spirit. The last few years we have been working on our gratitude, and spiritual journey, primarily because we had so little of the green stuff. This year we had a balance and it was beautiful. We are not quite able to do everything (I still missed giving gifts to our extended families and friends), but this huge weight was lifted from our shoulders this winter and we were able to have the holiday season that was fulfilling, peaceful, easy, and lovely!