Sep 26, 2007

Brief update on Gratitude and Puke

We are supposed to be grateful for the little things, you know: stop and smell the flowers; count your blessings; etc.. As a parent I often find myself grateful for the smelly, projectile, runny things. When you have a child that has the stomach flu it is nearly unavoidable that you will find appreciation for the rancid muck that is expelling itself from the small body of your innocent wee one. For example: I am grateful for the precious doll of Teilee’s that was just missed by the putrid stream of vomit. I am thankful for the viscosity of the puke that allowed it to be a congealed mixture instead of runny and watery. (Runny would have meant the spread of the mess downward and outward and even onto the hand woven blanket that is difficult to wash.) I am so appreciative that one of the occasions, and possible the largest volume of substance, was gifted to us in the middle of the night before Nick had gone to work. (Taking a shower, cleaning the bed, washing the baby is a much easier task to handle when there are two adults.) The most gratitude I have is for the health and well being of the rest of the family. It is a near impossible task to be throwing up and tending to the vomiting of another tiny person. And while chances are slim that this bug will bypass the rest of us, it is much easier to handle the smallest first and independently. He requires the most cleaning up after, the most holding, the most care and concern. This is where I find my gratitude for the day: in the rank, gooey, nasty, somewhat chunky, mess that my sweet adorable baby is mustering up from his stomach contents to disperse over any and every surface possible.

Sep 25, 2007


Been having computer issues, so I probably only have about 2 min. before my computer turns off. It is either a virus or just a freakin' old computer! New one coming soon, and I am so ready to blog. Lots happening: More throwing up in bed this morning, this time Teilee was also snuggling but fortunately missed the spray of Landis puke! I have to buy a bigger calendar I can't fit what I have to do in a week on the one I have. List are growing, growing, growing! I am sorry but that is all I have time for right now. I promise I will catch up soon. After reading all of my favorite blogs today I have been inspired!!!

Sep 7, 2007

Now I feel better

So it's not a great poem, but I was just so dang angry and it had to go somewhere. Now I am feeling a lot more peace but sometimes in the moment a release is necessary.

Sept 06, 2007


We are deep in the trenches struggling for every essence of survival

YOU have been slipping,

We have been wondering about our food, our clothes, our home,

YOU have been slipping,

We are the generation of non-support

We are the children forgot,

We are the ones without help

And YOU have been slipping,

Never mind our need,

Forget our debts, forget how hard we work,

YOU are taking your steps to financial security.

YOU have been given everything we could only dream of

YOU have been so spoiled and accommodated

YOU have washed away your sins with pride

YOU have asserted your fantasy over our reality

YOU who have no clue over what it means to have nothing

And yet YOU are slipping

In your slide, in your descent, in your saving of yourself,

WE are drowning

But I suppose that is of no consequence as long as you keep your feet out of the damn water.


Did you see the rattlesnake? This is an adult short horned lizard (Phrynosoma hernandesi). These were a couple of the really cool creatures that we got to experience over Labor Day weekend. I swear I could catch lizards all day long everyday forever and never get tired of it. Many thanks to Danny for allowing me to experience this joy. Danny is doing some research on these little guys (and girls). I believe it is mostly on their hibernation patterns, but please Danny correct me if I am wrong. Last Sunday Dad and I joined in the pursuit of capture and release. We tracked a couple that already had transmitters on and caught many of the young ones then unfortunately had to call it a day. On Monday, Dad, Mom, Nick and both the kids and I went out to help/play. It was Landis' first experience with the horned lizards and he of course had no fear, just wanted to pinch their heads a little. The area where we were searching was shortgrass prairie and just beautiful! I have recently thought about trying to acquire land in that area rather than up in the mountains. I do so want to own a little piece of this earth to preserve and play and be present on. Although financially I think this will be many many many years down the road. Today I am just focusing on paying the bills in front of me. Back to the weekend, what an experience. Danny is so knowledgeable and I have learned a great deal. I thought I would share these pictures and a brief description of the fun that came with them. And now I am going to throw my tired bones into bed!

Sep 5, 2007

Crazy Busy

My new medium. So I needed to start over with a new blog. I would like this one to be a little less personal. I am going to save some of the more intimate things for my pen and paper journal. The last few months have left me a little more emotionally raw than I need to be and I am hoping to keep a few things to myself.
Life is crazy, crazy, busy, crazy, busy, crazy, crazy! I know that most of this is what I have committed myself to, but sometimes it is hard to anticipate just how much one new undertaking will add to the craziness. Also there are somethings that I am not willing to sacrifice, (like being home with the kids), that make the pursuit of new possibilities even more daunting. I have so many opportunities and how could I say no especially when they are things I want to do.
Here is a prime example of being crazy busy and trying to prioritize:
Landis is sick and this means less sleep for him and his parents. Last night we were up probably 3 times from 12:00 midnight until 5:30 am. This is actually less than almost every night last week, but still hard to get good sleep. At 5:30 am I pulled Landis into bed with me, Nick had already gone to work at 3:00 am, and nursed him until about 6:15 am. At that time he decided he wanted to get up. As he is rolling around to try to position himself so he can sit up, he begins coughing (his cold). It is the kind of raspy croup cough you never want to hear come from your one year old, and it throws him into gagging spasms. I know what is coming so I sit up and grab a towel at the end of the bed (still damp from someones shower the previous night) and just miss the projectile vomit that was aimed at my chest. Of course, since it bypassed me it wound up soaking the entire bed and Landis. He now can freely sit up and begins to 'splash' in the pool of his own milky puke until I whisk him away to the bathroom. On the way I close Teilee's bedroom door because the worst thing that could happen now would be for her to awake and need my attention too. Landis has 'it' all over his face and hair, outfit, and limbs, of course now I have 'it' on me too. I clean his bodily surface and then clean mine and then proceed back to the bedroom where the sheets must quickly be flung from the bed before it soaks to the mattress. I know all this from previous experience and it shows in my abilities to maneuver quickly and efficiently through the scene. Once all areas are cleaned, then clothes are changed and we can begin our day at about 6:30 am. Feeding commences for myself and Landis, who is ravenous after expelling his previous breast breakfast. Then I tend to the days early to-dos: the cats are fed, sheets are washed, dishes done, and the kitchen swept until Teilee wakes at about 7:15 am. Now we set about getting her ready for the day. While she eats breakfast at about 8:00am I try to sneak in some reading for my child development class and failed miserable. Here the Law of Attention comes into effect. There is never a time more important to a child than that time when you are doing something for yourself. They are finitely tuned into your attention span and if none of it is directed their way then there will be hell to pay. If I had been paying even a small amount of attention to her then she could easily have been playing quietly by herself. This is the Law of Attention and I submit to its will. Needless to say, when Nick arrived home by 8:30am I am ready for a quick break to attend to my own needs. You know: homework, cleaning, laundry, bush teeth (which I still haven't done), my needs. I jump on line and take care of a few correspondence emails and then mistakenly turned my attention to finances. Finding a long overdue dentist bill for Teilees checkup. One of those frustrating bills where you shouldn't have to pay but probably will. "Of course we take Medicaid, we are friends of those in need, we understand, of course we take Medicaid." Then the bill comes, "What do you mean you have Medicaid, we don't take Medicaid, you have to pay that now. It's not our problem that you don't have money, you shouldn't have brought you child to the Dentist if you couldn't pay." I should know better than attempting to glance at finances and bills, but I was just curious. After finding the 'Bill', I then discovered some other grievous mistakes in our finances that will only be resolved when our income to bills ratio is at least even. Lord, what I wouldn't give to make more than what our bills are. Food should definitely never be a question of 'do we have enough to buy it?' I remember one person asking if we could live with less in order to make ends meet. HaHaHaHaHaHa! I smiled, knowing what he made, and said, 'No, we definitely choose to not live any more frugally.' I actually get asked often if we could cut back our expenses, usually by people who make triple what we make. We could always cut back, anyone can. Even a bum in the street could cut back. Who needs a box to sleep in, who needs to wear shoes. We really don't need to live in a house, neither do I need to own a pair of pants that fit, or have my child in preschool. These are all choices we have made and things I refuse to sacrifice. Anyways, after trying to grab onto to some reality and some fantasy for escapism purposes, I turned my attention back to my homework. Whoops out of time, now Nick has to go to his second job. Defeated I pop in a movie, knowing I will pay for it later, and rush back to the computer. Of course that is where I started my homework and decided I would rather start my blog. So here I am now 3:10 in the afternoon having been distracted from my homework with this blog, being distracted from this blog by phone calls, chatting with friends, poopy diapers, lunch, etc....and I am almost done with my first blog. All of this way way way funner than homework! What is sad is that this has actually been a pretty mild work day for me (I have hardly gotten anything done), probably due to all the great interactions with family and friends and all the distractions that provided a much needed release. Of course we still have the afternoon, we have an appointment and I have homework and really all I want is a beer and some more distraction! Now this is where my prioritizing comes into effect and so here I am signing off,

My new umberella!