Dec 21, 2007

Nick is working some crazy hours! Last night I hadn't even gone to sleep when he had to get up to go to work. He also went to bed way too late last night, but hopefully next week he will be able to sleep a bit more!
Landis apparently wanted to follow in his fathers footsteps and barely sleep more than an hour at a time. Of course this means that I must nurse him constantly just to get my own sleep.

I used to always be a chronic night owl, now I am a fall asleep standing up kinda gal. Today I found myself wiping furiously at the apparent mascara rings under my eyes. Being frustratingly unsuccessful I realized that I had not worn mascara and those were indeed the dark non-sleeping circles that I have earned as a mother. These bruise colored crescents, that no amount of makeup can 'freshen up', scream "Tired Mom Here!". Although, they are not out of place on this tousled uncut hair, unbrushed teeth, unwashed clothes of a person that I am. They only add to the ensemble that declares my latest station in life. Once discovered though I only admire them with a perverse since of accomplishment. Like my stretchmarks, and my stretching breasts, I have earned these. My progress as a woman can be traced across my body like counting the rings of a tree. My still protruding belly indicating the rude way in which my son was taken from my being. My uneven breasts a symbol of my dedication to the nutrition of my offspring. These are my battle scars, my road map, my mark of motherhood of which I am proud to declare. In all its beauty this is me now.

I wrote this awhile ago. It is probably unfinished yet, but the inspiration has vanished and so I am posting it as is.

The past month or so I have been exhausted and run down. First I suspected that it was just post semester sleepiness. Then I thought it was weather inducing Fibro. Then I thought I better go see a doctor, I am barely functioning. Turns out I have a 'raging' sinus infection. Oh, that's what that pain was. I have learned to tune out my aches and pains so well. It is survival instinct and truly necessary or I would be bed ridden for sure. It does have its down sides as I have several times ignored a migraine until I was hunched over the toilet throwing up. I try to catch that one sooner now. Honestly when you have constant aches and pain it is hard to determine what is foreign and fixable, and what is normal. I should be recovered from this latest sinus infection and ready to bust a move soon.

My friend just told me about this home remedy to prevent and help recover from illness. Once a week you put a drop or two of warm garlic oil in your ears. If you are already sick you put a whole dropperful every hour for at least three hours in the ear. (Make sure to insulate properly with a cotton ball.) Last week Landis seemed to be on the road to another ear infection and so we did the full dropper treatment and it seemed to help. Needless to say I am smelling a lot like garlic this week!
Here are a few shots of some of the fun stuff I made for Christmas this year.
The hat in the picture with Landis. And yes...that is Landis' new red purse.
This is a pillow case I made for Teilee out of her old shirts (super fast and cheap!).

These are scarfs that I made for all the great kids we know and love!!->

These are some of the gift tags I made for Delta's tag swap.

Had to include a random pic of Teilee with Santa. This year we took her because she asked us to. (I have always found it wierd that we take our kids screaming and kicking to go sit on some strange mans lap. What happened to stranger danger?)

Happy New Year!

Dec 18, 2007

Loving the Christmas Music!

Gearing up for Christmas.....way behind in my gifts.....way behind in my school preparations......way behind in my 'home work'.........totally lost all of my to-dos.

I found out that I only need 2 more classes in order to obtain my second Associates degree from Front Range. Truly that is not my goal here at this school, but it will help to get all the classes I can at this cheaper rate before heading to CSU. Now I really have to get to work on getting to CSU. Lots of things to figure out like: How in the f*** can I do this? Holy cow, last semester was rough, and I have a lot more to go. I wish the kids were older, but if they were than I would wish that I had my degree already. I know why I choose to go back now, but man I just wish it would get easier.

I decided (Nick agrees) that next year we will celebrate the Winter Solstice instead of Christmas. Also this will mean that we can celebrate the Summer Solstice too!! All of my religious research has led to the same conclusion for me. Do what feels right!

The kids are sick again. Tonight Landis was having a hard time keeping his balance and I am concerned about the possibility of a serious ear infection again! Last week Landis had a quick trip to the ER concerning a subluxation of the radial head (or something like that). It is called 'nursemaids elbow' and basically consist of the joint in the elbow becoming dislodged from the ligament that holds it in place. That is my basic understanding, all I know is that when pulling big sisters hair, from the front of the shopping cart while she is in the back, make sure that she can't grab your arm and pull really hard!! I guess it is really common and also likely to occur again if we aren't super super careful. Baby acrobatics have been put on hold unless the child can be firmly gripped only by the torso! Scared the sh** out of me to see him in so much pain with a sorta limp arm. At least the ER visit lasted only an hour (gotta be a record). As soon as the doctor was able to finagle the joint ligament back into place (took two painful tries) Landis was better in about 30 secs (no meds). He went from crying and laying on my chest to wriggling to get out of my grip, running down the hall in his little hospital gown, and waving bye to everyone (with the injured arm).

All I want for Christmas/Solstice is two healthy kids! I can't wait to post pictures of all the cool gifts I have been able to make so far. I always have such big plans! Maybe this year I will be able to finish them, but if that is to happen I probably had better go get to work!!!

Nov 25, 2007

Thanksgiving...and some

Whew what a week! Happy turkey day everyone (or what I call a good excuse to pig out on lots of food). I find myself constantly struggling to define each holiday to Teilee. "What? Oh, well today we celebrate the coming together of the pilgrims and the native Americans at a gigantic feast. Well....actually the pilgrims invaded the native Americans homeland, stole their land, abolished their way of living, and brought them lots of disease and death. I don't know why? Because we get to remember why we are thankful. Well.....I guess that we are thankful that we have each other, and good friends, and good food. No, I suppose you are right, the native Americans probably weren't very thankful. What? Well if you are Bugantheist(Buddhist/Pagan/Atheist) like us we will celebrate the winter solstice which is the longest day of the year. If you are Christian than you celebrate Jesus' birth. Well...actually he wasn't born in December. I don't know, somebody wanted this time of year to be Christmas. The tree?....To us it is a celebration of nature. Well....a fat man dressed in red sneaks into your house while you are sleeping. He eats all of the baked goods that we made. No....don't cry. He leaves you presents. What? I don't know why. Because he wants to reward you for being good all year. don't always get gifts just because you are good. I don't know. What? We get to tell everyone we love that we care about them by buying them chocolate and making cards. Well....there was a man named St. Valentine........well....he invented the holiday. Yes...that's cupid. If he shoots you with one of his arrows you will fall in love. doesn't hurt (at least not the arrow). I don't know....magic! What? Easter? Please don't ask why!"

So it is hard to be absolutely logical with a child and do I ever wish I could resort to "because God made it that way." My child is never satisfied until I can properly explain every aspect. Honestly, aren't alot of our holiday traditions completely skewed by commercialism. We give to many gifts, we eat too much food, we buy to many decorations. This year simplicity is my goal to be grateful, to be loving, to be giving from the heart (not the wallet).

So I meant to post this a long time age but time caught up with me quickly. We had a very scary night the weekend before Thanksgiving where Teilee woke up and was unable to breath. A bad case of Bronchitis coupled with her asthma and swollen tonsils made for a scary situation. Fortunately I remembered that cold air can help and was able to dash her out into the freezing night so she could get some shallow breaths. Our neighborhood nurse saint, aka Delta, arrived shortly after she resumed breathing to confirm that she was okay. It was a sleepless night as I slept in her bed with her and helped her to slow her breathing every time she woke. I have started looking into some breathing techniques that reteach you how to breath and are said to be able to help with asthma and other lung issues. You my spare time:)

Thanksgiving week Landis, Teilee, and I were all ill and we continue to have symptoms! Maybe by Winter Solstice we will be all better!:)

I am wrapping up finals week. Already got an A on one and subsequently and A in the class and I have my Micro final tomorrow. I have yet to study, but am confident that I will do fine. Good luck to all you others in the deep trenches of homework, cramming, and test taking!!!! See you on the other side for relaxing, non-stressful Christmas!

Nov 10, 2007

Our Night

So Landis got his flu shot and he was the most well behaved of tots,

the woman stabbed him with the needle and he didn't even cough,

no sputter or snivel only a slightly angry glare,

came from his little face a small inclining of despair,

then on to laughing and playing a most happy child,

and we thought, "man, this whole ordeal was pretty mild".

Than came the evening when our little babe laid down to rest,

and it was evident that the shot had an effect to say the least.

The sleep we had that night was intermittent and greatly disturbed,

as he cried all night long, except for two hours, that little turd!

Yes we are pretty darn tired and I have much to do, today has begun fairly slowly but is sure to pick up pace quickly. Much homework to do, many projects, lots of unfun stuff. In the meantime enjoy these pictures from topless soccer day, fun in the tree, and Halloween!

Nick said, 'be stoic Teilee'.

If you look closely the wick on the TNT has been lit! Look out!

Oct 29, 2007

Hay + Pumpkins + Wind + Sunflowers= One Great Day!

One windy day at the Pumpkin Patch: My Photo Journal

We are here! We are here! We are here!

Where's all my bloggers at? I am missing reading all of your updates. We are here, gearing up for Halloween and Delta's Birthday! Happy B-day! Also Happy Belated to all of my October birthdays! Teilee's snow goose costume is almost half-way made, and I haven't started on Landis' TNT costume. I figured if I don't get to his, he probably won't mind too much. This week my research paper is due, then next week another test, then the week after that my presentation. As always I just hope to survive without illness! I got my last test back and did much better. I missed some stupid questions, but am happy to be back in the security of an A. Wish me luck on what is promising to be a few crazy busy weeks! Happy Halloween! May the hob gobblin pass over your house without stealing the candy! Ours may get a requested visit, at least to steal the kids candy and deposit it into our laps!
Remember: "The Littlelest Birds Sing the Prettiest Songs." ---Be Good Tanyas

Oct 19, 2007

Two or more Club

The last 4 out of 5 weeks we have had illness. Five different viruses and counting! Holy cow, we had better have some freakin great immune systems after this fall! Hopefully I will feel well enough this weekend to make the kids' Halloween costumes, visit a pumpkin patch, write my research paper, take a quiz in my online course, organize the garage, etc......... There is no rest for the weary! I had my second test this week in Micro. and I think I did better this time round even though I was still sick. I also missed my first class of the semester this week. I hated doing it, but was so miserable I just needed to stay in bed.

So I wasn't able to post this when I wrote it and now the weekend is over! I was able to accomplish all of the above and more of my to-do list. Here is the thing about having two are sort of in this exclusive club. The 'beyond 1 club', the 'constantly exhausted club', the 'whoow are people really this busy? club', the 'how in the world do people do this? club'. I could never have imagined being able to (or having to do) all of the things we do in a single day. I could never have achieved the things we did this last weekend in an entire month. When I had Teilee I was able to take what I called a 'down day' every now and then. Watch a TV show, an occasional movie. I haven't had one of those, not even being sick, for at least a year. Kids work you in slowly too. When they are babies they sleep a lot and you think, 'Man this is a lot of work!'. Then they get active and you think, 'What was I complaining about? That was the honeymoon stage!'. Then your second comes and you imagine what crazy amounts of time you had with the first, to engage, to play, to do activities, to work! (Don't kill me parents of one, I remember how damn difficult that was too!) Now it is unfathomable the amount that I do, the lengths to which I stretch my body, my emotions, my person. So anyways about the club.... We members of the club, can say nothing and understand everything about the other parents crazy schedule. We marvel at how successfully the other one can achieve what they do. Be it volunteer work, school, side businesses, working outside the home, working at home, we all share an equal respect for the other parent. This respect is often conveyed at the grocery store, or the post office, or Taco Bell, with a sympathetic smile and courteous holding of the door. When you are a parent of one you are attended to by the adoring public. Awwwww... how cute you baby old is he/she?....How wonderful of a parent you are....Here is the door....Have my chair.....Do you need any help? Parents of two are often shunned. We are the ones with the older obnoxious child that is very clearly craving attention due to the diversion of the second child. What bad parents we are that our first child is so clearly starved for attention that they are jumping up and down shouting at the top of their lungs. Can't we control our brats? This is clearly unacceptable behavior for a two/three/four/five year old. You shouldn't have had more than you could handle. We get a lot less help, a lot less admiration, a lot less consideration from our non-young-children-ridden public. Thus the reason for the club. When parents of the deuce club sit near each other in a restaurant and children run amok through the tables, it is a blessing to have found another sympathetic soul to gaze lovingly at our snotty, loud, obnoxious wild child. They know that under that demeanor there used to exist this perfect, quiet, well behaved, adorable only child. The downside of this club is that it is extremely exclusive. You may be a deuce sympathizer (a rarity and extremely valuable commodity) but unfortunately it is still an impenetrable society that is secret ridden and crazy busy! But here is the deal: We are the deuces, we are constantly busy, wondering how we are doing it, why we are doing it, and when is it going to get better, but we are every so grateful that we haven't entered the club of the tri-spawn!

Oct 13, 2007

Weird weather

It's raining leaves and water here simultaneously. It sounds like rain, and looks like only leaves are falling down. It is crazy cool!!

Oct 12, 2007

Rubber Ducky

Little rubber ducky on the bathtub floor,

have you made permanent residence on the drain?

Nestled near the metal hair trap

it works hard to grasp every stray strand that could pass,

A veritable fortress collecting stray objects, resting near your yellow squeak,

How is it that you are now a daily friend of my shower?

How odd to consider that you are not a stranger to my day,

you are the comfort that smiles at me from the sudsy water remains of my wash,

The instant reminder of my station in life,

with fondness I gently set you upright to float on the small puddle of water,

I guess the drain can not prevent you from having your lake,

As I could never remove you, my fond friend, from the company of my feet.

Little yellow rubber ducky on the bathtub drain.

Oct 11, 2007

old post

Fall is beautiful. It is so nice to have a fall again. Fall in Arizona happens when one day the leaves are on the trees, one day they are on the ground, the next day the cleaning crews come out and vanquish any signs of the fall that may have been. Not that there are many trees in Phoenix other than the ridiculous imported palm trees. How wonderful to rake, and jump, and get crumbled up crunchy leaves down your shirt, pants, underwear, shoes!

I have been singing Katelin's song that she wrote when she was like 4.

I love the rain in the spring time,

I love the leaves in the fall,

I love the snow in the winter,

but I love you most of all.

We have been a computer down, internet down, down to one vehicle, and switching our phone service. We will have a new number soon. Lots of changes happening. I laugh that we are now a four person family with 1 car. After recently reading the 'Poisonwood Bible' (which for some reason the character Leah reminded me of you, Tegan), and "The Kite Runner', really I am just happy to have a car. Also, Nick has been able to drive the other one to work as long as he doesn't have to stop, or then he has to put it in neutral and rev the engine! I am looking at the lack of a vehicle as a way to increase my bike riding mileage and possibly get into better shape. With the vehicle running so poorly we will probably not be able to make any long distance trips. The wagon is running but wouldn't make it that far.
I just can't imagine life being any busier than it is now. Truly I don't have time for this now, but it is one thing that I can do for myself that is fun and refreshing. Maybe some of the more experienced moms with more kids, or older kids can give me hope (even false hope), that things will slow down soon. Although with this last summer and spring, we kinda didn't do much but survive, we are really trying to catch up now!

Oct 5, 2007

An 87

Since when did giving the most I had equal an 87. It used to be medium effort= medium A. When did the 'know it all idiot' beat me in class. Since when did I get a B and was pleased. My new attitude makes me very miserable. The time spent away from the kids, away from family time, away from developing children is such precious time. I give everything I have to that time. It has to count, it has to matter, it has to be perfect. This is the expectation I have. When you are so drawn out, the lines blur, the time becomes irrelevant. I know that I have a tendency to be hard on myself, but I really do stand a better chance at getting into CSU graduate program (someday) if I do well in my courses. FOr this last test it didn't help that I had a sinus infection, I really was just lucky that I made it to class that day. Also our teacher is pretty sucky. I write down everything I can that she says in class. When I went back and reviewed previous notes after the class, there were quite a few things that she said weren't going to be on the test and they were key questions worth a mass amount of points. I think she teaches from the standpoint that her lectures are just a review of the information, as they are for her. Several times when we ask her questions about a certain topic she will respond that she isn't a virologist, or a bacteriologist, or whatever and so doesn't have a clue. Yet we are expected to know the subject inside and out. I guess applied knowledge counts for nothing. This is a competition to see who can memorize the book the best! What's funny is the teacher who taught our class last semester gave out test reviews that ended up being identical to the take home test he provided. Maybe I can track him down and ask him to substitute for our teacher, at least for the next test.

Okay, venting is over.
SO I have this theory, maybe I have already discussed this, called my 'thumbprint theory'. This is my theory that basically everyone you meet you leave your thumbprint on them and they in turn carry that out into the world in sort of a rippleing effect. When you are kind to someone, they will carry that good feeling with them and transmit it to someone else. When you are rude, or unkind their experience with your will be negative and that attitude will resonant out from them in their next human encounter. Okay, simplistic, kinda silly, but it helps me to think of that when I am dealing with people that aren't very pleasant. I try to leave a new refreshed happy thumbprint on them. ANyways, this has come up often in the last few weeks as we have been dealing with the computer technitians for my new computer. What a hassle. I have been disrespected, not taken seriously, and was so close to taking my computer back. (I love my new computer and really just need to work out a few kinks!) Also some chick at the children's consignment store had a beef with me, probably I was too nice. Maybe I am just having bad retail experiences, but I can not remember when the last time was that I had a positive experience at a store. Rude cashiers, rude sales people, rude customers, rude, rude, rude, rude, rude. What gives? Maybe my thumbprint is working in reverse right now:)

Oct 1, 2007

Puke Statistics

1 Week--2 sick kids--2 sick parents--1 bad stomach flu

25-30 loads of laundry- Each person's bed linens washed minimum of twice

5 random projectile vomit clean ups that didn't hit the toilet or puke bucket (the worst being Teilee's cantaloupey vomit all over Nick and I's bed, bedroom wall, carpet, clothes, etc..)

2 random cat pukes (they just had to get in on the fun too!)

2 sleepless nights for momma

1 alternator needing replacement in vehicle (has nothing to do with the illness, but still one more thing to do in the week)

1 dead fish (again not related, but had to have a fishy funeral. You have been a good fish, spot. Thanks for all the swimming, and pooping, and eating. Have fun with the worms!:))

4 family members happy to be well!!

So we got well, we survived, my hands are dry and prunny from all the cleaning, although you couldn't tell by the state of my house. Survival mode engaged! Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster in the sky that I was able to avoid being bed ridden until Nick had somewhat recovered. How is it in times of desperation that my immune system seems to work the best? Mind over matter? Pure luck? Whatever that was, thank FSM!!!

Sep 26, 2007

Brief update on Gratitude and Puke

We are supposed to be grateful for the little things, you know: stop and smell the flowers; count your blessings; etc.. As a parent I often find myself grateful for the smelly, projectile, runny things. When you have a child that has the stomach flu it is nearly unavoidable that you will find appreciation for the rancid muck that is expelling itself from the small body of your innocent wee one. For example: I am grateful for the precious doll of Teilee’s that was just missed by the putrid stream of vomit. I am thankful for the viscosity of the puke that allowed it to be a congealed mixture instead of runny and watery. (Runny would have meant the spread of the mess downward and outward and even onto the hand woven blanket that is difficult to wash.) I am so appreciative that one of the occasions, and possible the largest volume of substance, was gifted to us in the middle of the night before Nick had gone to work. (Taking a shower, cleaning the bed, washing the baby is a much easier task to handle when there are two adults.) The most gratitude I have is for the health and well being of the rest of the family. It is a near impossible task to be throwing up and tending to the vomiting of another tiny person. And while chances are slim that this bug will bypass the rest of us, it is much easier to handle the smallest first and independently. He requires the most cleaning up after, the most holding, the most care and concern. This is where I find my gratitude for the day: in the rank, gooey, nasty, somewhat chunky, mess that my sweet adorable baby is mustering up from his stomach contents to disperse over any and every surface possible.

Sep 25, 2007


Been having computer issues, so I probably only have about 2 min. before my computer turns off. It is either a virus or just a freakin' old computer! New one coming soon, and I am so ready to blog. Lots happening: More throwing up in bed this morning, this time Teilee was also snuggling but fortunately missed the spray of Landis puke! I have to buy a bigger calendar I can't fit what I have to do in a week on the one I have. List are growing, growing, growing! I am sorry but that is all I have time for right now. I promise I will catch up soon. After reading all of my favorite blogs today I have been inspired!!!

Sep 7, 2007

Now I feel better

So it's not a great poem, but I was just so dang angry and it had to go somewhere. Now I am feeling a lot more peace but sometimes in the moment a release is necessary.

Sept 06, 2007


We are deep in the trenches struggling for every essence of survival

YOU have been slipping,

We have been wondering about our food, our clothes, our home,

YOU have been slipping,

We are the generation of non-support

We are the children forgot,

We are the ones without help

And YOU have been slipping,

Never mind our need,

Forget our debts, forget how hard we work,

YOU are taking your steps to financial security.

YOU have been given everything we could only dream of

YOU have been so spoiled and accommodated

YOU have washed away your sins with pride

YOU have asserted your fantasy over our reality

YOU who have no clue over what it means to have nothing

And yet YOU are slipping

In your slide, in your descent, in your saving of yourself,

WE are drowning

But I suppose that is of no consequence as long as you keep your feet out of the damn water.


Did you see the rattlesnake? This is an adult short horned lizard (Phrynosoma hernandesi). These were a couple of the really cool creatures that we got to experience over Labor Day weekend. I swear I could catch lizards all day long everyday forever and never get tired of it. Many thanks to Danny for allowing me to experience this joy. Danny is doing some research on these little guys (and girls). I believe it is mostly on their hibernation patterns, but please Danny correct me if I am wrong. Last Sunday Dad and I joined in the pursuit of capture and release. We tracked a couple that already had transmitters on and caught many of the young ones then unfortunately had to call it a day. On Monday, Dad, Mom, Nick and both the kids and I went out to help/play. It was Landis' first experience with the horned lizards and he of course had no fear, just wanted to pinch their heads a little. The area where we were searching was shortgrass prairie and just beautiful! I have recently thought about trying to acquire land in that area rather than up in the mountains. I do so want to own a little piece of this earth to preserve and play and be present on. Although financially I think this will be many many many years down the road. Today I am just focusing on paying the bills in front of me. Back to the weekend, what an experience. Danny is so knowledgeable and I have learned a great deal. I thought I would share these pictures and a brief description of the fun that came with them. And now I am going to throw my tired bones into bed!

Sep 5, 2007

Crazy Busy

My new medium. So I needed to start over with a new blog. I would like this one to be a little less personal. I am going to save some of the more intimate things for my pen and paper journal. The last few months have left me a little more emotionally raw than I need to be and I am hoping to keep a few things to myself.
Life is crazy, crazy, busy, crazy, busy, crazy, crazy! I know that most of this is what I have committed myself to, but sometimes it is hard to anticipate just how much one new undertaking will add to the craziness. Also there are somethings that I am not willing to sacrifice, (like being home with the kids), that make the pursuit of new possibilities even more daunting. I have so many opportunities and how could I say no especially when they are things I want to do.
Here is a prime example of being crazy busy and trying to prioritize:
Landis is sick and this means less sleep for him and his parents. Last night we were up probably 3 times from 12:00 midnight until 5:30 am. This is actually less than almost every night last week, but still hard to get good sleep. At 5:30 am I pulled Landis into bed with me, Nick had already gone to work at 3:00 am, and nursed him until about 6:15 am. At that time he decided he wanted to get up. As he is rolling around to try to position himself so he can sit up, he begins coughing (his cold). It is the kind of raspy croup cough you never want to hear come from your one year old, and it throws him into gagging spasms. I know what is coming so I sit up and grab a towel at the end of the bed (still damp from someones shower the previous night) and just miss the projectile vomit that was aimed at my chest. Of course, since it bypassed me it wound up soaking the entire bed and Landis. He now can freely sit up and begins to 'splash' in the pool of his own milky puke until I whisk him away to the bathroom. On the way I close Teilee's bedroom door because the worst thing that could happen now would be for her to awake and need my attention too. Landis has 'it' all over his face and hair, outfit, and limbs, of course now I have 'it' on me too. I clean his bodily surface and then clean mine and then proceed back to the bedroom where the sheets must quickly be flung from the bed before it soaks to the mattress. I know all this from previous experience and it shows in my abilities to maneuver quickly and efficiently through the scene. Once all areas are cleaned, then clothes are changed and we can begin our day at about 6:30 am. Feeding commences for myself and Landis, who is ravenous after expelling his previous breast breakfast. Then I tend to the days early to-dos: the cats are fed, sheets are washed, dishes done, and the kitchen swept until Teilee wakes at about 7:15 am. Now we set about getting her ready for the day. While she eats breakfast at about 8:00am I try to sneak in some reading for my child development class and failed miserable. Here the Law of Attention comes into effect. There is never a time more important to a child than that time when you are doing something for yourself. They are finitely tuned into your attention span and if none of it is directed their way then there will be hell to pay. If I had been paying even a small amount of attention to her then she could easily have been playing quietly by herself. This is the Law of Attention and I submit to its will. Needless to say, when Nick arrived home by 8:30am I am ready for a quick break to attend to my own needs. You know: homework, cleaning, laundry, bush teeth (which I still haven't done), my needs. I jump on line and take care of a few correspondence emails and then mistakenly turned my attention to finances. Finding a long overdue dentist bill for Teilees checkup. One of those frustrating bills where you shouldn't have to pay but probably will. "Of course we take Medicaid, we are friends of those in need, we understand, of course we take Medicaid." Then the bill comes, "What do you mean you have Medicaid, we don't take Medicaid, you have to pay that now. It's not our problem that you don't have money, you shouldn't have brought you child to the Dentist if you couldn't pay." I should know better than attempting to glance at finances and bills, but I was just curious. After finding the 'Bill', I then discovered some other grievous mistakes in our finances that will only be resolved when our income to bills ratio is at least even. Lord, what I wouldn't give to make more than what our bills are. Food should definitely never be a question of 'do we have enough to buy it?' I remember one person asking if we could live with less in order to make ends meet. HaHaHaHaHaHa! I smiled, knowing what he made, and said, 'No, we definitely choose to not live any more frugally.' I actually get asked often if we could cut back our expenses, usually by people who make triple what we make. We could always cut back, anyone can. Even a bum in the street could cut back. Who needs a box to sleep in, who needs to wear shoes. We really don't need to live in a house, neither do I need to own a pair of pants that fit, or have my child in preschool. These are all choices we have made and things I refuse to sacrifice. Anyways, after trying to grab onto to some reality and some fantasy for escapism purposes, I turned my attention back to my homework. Whoops out of time, now Nick has to go to his second job. Defeated I pop in a movie, knowing I will pay for it later, and rush back to the computer. Of course that is where I started my homework and decided I would rather start my blog. So here I am now 3:10 in the afternoon having been distracted from my homework with this blog, being distracted from this blog by phone calls, chatting with friends, poopy diapers, lunch, etc....and I am almost done with my first blog. All of this way way way funner than homework! What is sad is that this has actually been a pretty mild work day for me (I have hardly gotten anything done), probably due to all the great interactions with family and friends and all the distractions that provided a much needed release. Of course we still have the afternoon, we have an appointment and I have homework and really all I want is a beer and some more distraction! Now this is where my prioritizing comes into effect and so here I am signing off,

Aug 28, 2007

So, Seriously!

I wrote this last week, thought it got deleted, but through the miracle of auto-save here it is! love school! I am like a kid in a candy store with my new microbiology class. I suck at the lab part, but you try holding a test tube still when you have fibromyalgia! Also it is definitely a challenge to have a 2 and a half hour class. My legs were killing me today! It is a humorous situation to have a teacher that could totally be one of my mom buddies. In class she is a great professor and holds every ones attention with authority. Maybe though when the class is over we can get our kids together or go have a beer! I am really really really enjoying this topic so far. Three that enough time to judge a class? I have to come up with a really good infectious disease to do a presentation on. I think Dad may have a few suggestions but I am going to do some research this weekend too.

My Child Development Class is an online course and will definitely be a lot of reading and self studying but at least I am at home! Although the textbook already made some really stupid statements (that I just had to say something about). There was a whole section about genetic adaptation and how we humans have been such a successful species. Also how we, through selective adaptation, have become unique among mammals in our survival in every part of the world. So all of you biologist can attest to the horridness of these statements. Let's just say I scribbled all of the book on that one. Who cares about resale value, I don't want anyone ever again reading my book and not questioning that section. Fortunately, even after my not so eloquently spoken entry to our class discussion, most people have been in agreement. It seems as though most people taking this course are at home moms. Can I just say that a good majority of them said that they were at home only because they didn't want their kids in daycare. Sure I agree... but you can always find someone you trust if you work hard enough. I swear I thought that being at home with your kids was a job of more value than the attitude of, 'it's better that day-care". Seriously, it is okay to say it is best for my child, best for me, best for my family, and the right thing for us to do. I hate how people shy from saying how they really feel about mothering issues because of the reaction it might cause. Breastfeeding is best for a child, or what is normal. A mother being at home with her child is best for the child (at least most mothers) or what is normal. The other alternatives are less than, inferior, inadequate to give to a child. There I said it, so sue me. I would love to see research and statistics that suggest otherwise.

Could life get any busier, could I get any less sleep, could I get any less cleaning done around the house, could I enjoy it all any more! Seriously!

My new umberella!