Peace

Overwhelmed. I am always (always) working while mothering or mothering while working. I am managing the best I can but am feeling resentful that I can't do either/or. I would love to just homeschool and mother, or just work. Homeschooling, at home parent, part time secretary job, starting a business, creating two websites.....managing a home.....garden...... financial creativity........ managing.........creating.......working.....sigh. It would be lovely to vent, to try and write words that could touch on the immensity of my stress.
I deserve a vacation. A real vacation.

Instead.......I offer this.


I call it 'peace'. Though I can't jump on (fear of breaking the rope) I can exhilarate in her experience. When you are catching air, when you are swingin' the world vanishes and the experience is all that matters. Push...glide....splash.....land. Breathe.

No parents allowed

Teilee declared that her (and Landis') room was off limits to Mommy and Daddy. Humm......is her rebellion to our household chaos resulting in organizational tendencies? Notice the completely made beds, no toys on the floor, the PJs laid out on the bed. She is putting away all of their laundry, vacuuming herself, dusting, picking up, and putting away all on her own!! I couldn't be prouder that she took this on herself. She has said that she will allow us to come in to patch the wall and paint when the time comes. Her design will be centered around the seasons and she has left instructions as to which wall is Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter. On one wall she would like to see a mural with the sky, a tree, and the underground roots, with worms in the dirt. You keep cleaning and maintaining your room Teilee, I will paint you a work of art!!

Snow White and Rose Red

Today


Yup Snow

Oh what a May

Once again it is snowing outside. My garden is suffering and I am thinking about switching entirely to a greenhouse next year. Although, each year I lament that we shall have to wait until next fall for snow and then mother nature surprises us with her final attempts at a winter storm. It is a surprise gift of beauty experiencing the white, stark, greyness of winter and the brilliant, blooming colors of spring at the same time. Picture taking is optimum and I am hoping to capture some beauties tomorrow. Here are some beauties from the first week of May.

Kite day at the park, hundreds of kites in the air and Teilee flying the airplane (you can barely see it in the center but it is there). Go Teilee go!








Landis flying his homemade kite. During the peak wind of the morning hundreds of kites were flown in the same area. And yes there were tangles, and downed kites resulting, but everyone shared a good laugh and each lent a hand to send the kite aloft.







Beltane is a beautiful festival we missed most of it but arrived during the maypole portion. With Landis asleep in the car, Nick brought Teilee down for the kids weaving of the ribbons. Then upon switching, I was able to participate in my first adult may pole weaving. What a beautiful and intimate tradition especially as the ribbons become shorter and shorter leaving you little space to weave in and out. After the weaving of the ribbon, Teilee and I joined in the ritual of jumping over the fire. A symbolic new beginning emerging from the flames (just make sure your pants are hiked up and you jump high enough). Teilee soared. (Teilee is in the green pants with the gray jacket.) The adult May Pole



What better creature to spy near our festival grounds than a curious fox.

















Already we have been hiking and enjoying our sunny days. Nick and the kids went out for a hike and we repeated the venture on Mother's Day. Poor Landis was ill and insisted he needed to be carried (not in the hiking backpack) by Mommy the whole way down. Wishing I had brought my sling we found Plan B using my jacket as a makeshift sling and we successfully made it down the mountain.
Landis slept for most of the day and in the evening his fever broke and he was much better.










The chicks are getting so big! We moved them out into the coop with the big girls. We will separate them until the chicks are big enough to fend off any hen pecking.


The kids bring the chicks and the chickens into the yard as often as possible. They keep to their separate spaces, but we are hoping that eventually they will commingle.




Toothless.....I mean Teilee has popped out her front tooth. Proudly she shows her space and her tooth and she is now the proud president of her Loose Tooth Club. Anyone between the ages of 4 and 30 may join. Although I am hoping to successfully stay out of this club. ;) Of course we had to run to the library for resources. There we found a book about what children around the world do with their lost teeth. There is much throwing of teeth onto roofs or feeding of teeth to female dogs. La Raton is a main character in the business, changing only in language. Apparently small rodents are overwhelmingly popular in the process of losing a tooth. Move over tooth fairy!!


We enjoy every contact we have with our lovely neighbor Sally. She was witness to the losing of the tooth as we were witnessing her brand new yellow kitchen. (Talk about an inspiration!) Smile for the camera Landis, close enough!









On a quick note (okay, nothing is every quick with me), we are pursuing some exciting business opportunities. Nick and I were gifted some guidance, by some wonderful friends, and some free tickets to a convention in Denver last week. Sans kids we wearily went and returned ever rejuvenated in our confidence to achieve a goal. Updates coming soon!

Spring has Sprung

It is Spring!! Okay I know it has been spring for a while but we are truly feeling the affects of the season now. Bike rides, gardening, hikes, backyard play, animal watching, and so much more fun to be had. The kids and daddy ventured out onto this platform over the lake offering them a birds eye view of the ducks, frog eggs, and red winged blackbirds.
Our chickens tend to attract mice with all of their left over scraps and we caught one and allowed the kiddos to examine it thoroughly. Of course from behind the safety of glass. Mice, bike rides, dinner in the backyard, and new chicks (pictures to come) all more fabulous signs of spring.


In home school we are still on the topic of spring and this week one of our stories was How Robin Saved Spring by Debbie Ouellet
In the story Sister Spring is finally awoken by Robin and she begins to spread spring all over. Our own 'Sister Spring' has been leaving signs all over the backyard that spring is here. Some, like our blooming crocus spiral, are natural and are only pointed out by 'Sister Spring' and some are simple representations of the green that will soon be on the trees.

'Sister Spring' has been almost living in her seasonal dress (despite it being Landis' size). She has also taken to sitting often in one tree in the back yard, even fashioning a pulley of sorts to bring aloft her books.


Daddy thought it was time to provide an easier sitting location and of course brother spring needed his own perch too.















Every year I become overjoyed to be back in the garden and every year we have a slow start for some reason or another. This year some illness slowed us down but we also have been busy making the garden a more permanent space complete with enclosed beds. We had a little money to spend on wood for a few beds. Our local building supply thrift store always helps to stretch our dollars. Then when we ran out of wood we looked around the yard to piece to together the remaining beds and structures. I always have big plans and a small wallet. I think it brings out the creative side of me and I can not wait to show you the completed garden with fence and plants when we are done. I am proud of my vine structure and can not wait to see my zucchini growing vertically. In the picture the smaller fence leaning up against our yard fence will be transplanted around the garden and of course we are going to have to build more. All the building has meant that we will most likely buy starts instead of planting seeds but next year our soil will be in, our beds made and ready to go for earlier planting. I do have one cold frame (just a window placed over the box) that is helping my kale and spinach grow.


We were able to borrow our neighbors truck and our other neighbors wheelbarrow to gather some new dirt to help fill out our beds. What is amazing is how much the kids love to do the work. I have such fond memories of gardening as a child and I hope my children will have the same. Following the rototiller to gather worms, picking fresh strawberries, canning green beans, shoveling, digging, planting, watering, sweeping, gathering, and then finally playing in the mud.

Of course Teilee, ever the spring fairy is muddin' it up in style. What could be better!! I can not wait to see the fruits.....nay, the vegetables of our labors.

Eggerific!

For egg dying this year we used beets, blueberries, tumeric, and spinach for the dyes. I never have good luck with spinach. The green eggs are from the blueberries, white is from the spinach (it has a tint of green), orange is from the turmeric, and the pink eggs are from the beets. We left the shredded pieces of beets in the jar and they speckled our eggs nicely. We tried a few color combination with less success than last year, but still a lot of fun!!
Our recipe: Take the food and smash, peel, scrape, mush into the jar. Add 2 Tbl of vinegar and boiling water until the jar is full. Let the jar cool. (You can strain the ingredient out or not) Now add the boiled egg and let sit for several hours (overnight if you can).

Last year we had blue, green, pink, yellow, orange, and purple. Unfortunately I don't remember and I didn't write down what I used. I will figure it out, hopefully in time for next year!


The equinox/Easter bunny or Ostara/Eostre paid us a visit today! The children and adults were gifted a bounty of food, toys, and games. Our celebration is such a mishmash of different traditions, and I love it! I have always been in love with spirituality and a deep connection to every ritual. Every year I expand on our traditions and now it has become necessary to keep a journal just for our family rituals and celebrations.

This year some rascally critters nearly spoiled the fun. We thought that the Easter bunny/Ostara hid the eggs around 1:00 am and between then and 6:30 am they were all gone. No eggshells, no pieces, but a few really well hidden eggs were still there. I wondered if raccoons were to blame. I told that rabbit to wait until the morning!! ;) We took the kids out, all primed and ready for the hunt and headed back in with mom and dad flustered. We decided with the kiddos that the bunny/Ostara must have been aware of some bad weather coming and wanted to wait until after nap time. It snowed a few hours later proving our theory true. The 5 min. of snow quickly turned into bright sunshine and heat. This must have given the bunny time to fix up a solution, or rather soak a solution out. After an early afternoon bike ride to our local coffee shop we came home to a hunt!!


The real fun occurs after the first hunt in all the subsequent egg hide and seek. Teilee is a pretty sharp egg hider and Landis is an observant egg finder. Hopefully next year Ostara will ensure a less dramatic egg hunt. May I suggest inside?! :)

The thinkings of a mind trapped inside

I decided today to add up the number of days I felt well in the last month. Unfortunately the number is small enough to add up on one hand. Seriously four days is not enough to feel well in an entire month. Another rough winter for me. Time sucking FB has taught me another lesson though. I post on FB when I am ill, not ever time, but many times. Recently someone messaged me their concerns. Very sweetly they wondered if I had a mold issue in the house, or what else might be going on. My norm is often a little shocking to others. My neighbor and friend once saw me hobble out to the mail box (usually I am better composed before entering into public) and she was on me about what was wrong. I reminded her that this is normal for me and she wondered again what I could do about it. I guess it is a hard concept that sometimes you just have to accept and try to work around issues. Trust me though, I have tried. I fought it with everything I had until the fight had me in a nasty physical state. Everyone has something. My largest problem tends to be my health. New goal: Stop posting when you are ill on FB and remember that it is not just your close friends and family who read your updates. Also, that people do get tired of hearing how much you are sick.


Today I thought I was better. I did more than I have done in the last week in a few hours and then hit the wall. Dang. Of course when the illness is done with my body I will still be left dealing with the symptoms of my ((gulp)) Fibromyalgia and Hypothyroidism (sub-clinical). Labels, labels, labels. I hate using them. I don't ever use those two words. Holistically, and through alternative medicine, I can explain more of what is going on in my body than those words could. They don't explain everything anyways (like my malfunctioning sinus cavities). Day by day I am able to speak what I am feeling. Whether it be the fatigue, a sluggish mobility or pain, I would rather deal with each issue than umbrella these under one diagnosis.

Today I am still ill, and the weather is changing causing quite a bit of fatigue and pain. (Even my fingers hurt.) I have been unable to think away the pain and fatigue and now what do I do? What do I do when I can't mentally overcome what my body feels (aka: ignore it).

Here is what I do: 1)I imagine what it would feel like in my body to have none of these issues. If I rarely got ill, if I never had pain or fatigue. Nick is always joking that I would probably rule the world if I didn't have any health issues! Imagine not having to work past it, imagine going a month (heck a few days would be great) without a sinus infection or an illness. 2) Rather than feeling sad for what I can't have, I now choose to focus on what I have achieved. Look what I get done WITH all my problems. It is really remarkable (yes I am boasting.:)) Look what I have done with my limitations! Blew them out of the water! (Don't gag, just a little positive self-talk.) 3) Remind myself that tomorrow may be better and that I am healthier now than I ever have been. 4) Embrace the pain, acknowledge it, it means you are alive! Tune into it and really feel it. Pain is another part of life that I GET to experience. 5) Remember all those who experience worse and all those who don't get to experience it at all. 6) Bring back the gratitude. I am truly blessed, lucky, and fortunate in life.

This is what I get to work through almost every day and every day is different. Sometimes my relationships suffer (intimate and casual alike) because I can't always be there even though I want to be. And because it is really hard to understand something that you can't see, can't feel, and don't hear about. I am lucky because this has made me so grateful for the things I have. Being able to have children, to be married, to garden, run, bike, etc.. I have to acknowledge that much of the burden of my ailments falls to my husband. I do have days where I just physically can't overcome and he picks up the slack. He does my chores, takes care of the kids, works, does his chores, and carries this family through my bad days. And that is my number 7), the last thing that I think about to keep me from given in: My support!